Having a baby can be one of the most exciting and rewarding times in someone鈥檚 life. But it can also be one of the most isolating and loneliest too.

New research from British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (麻豆原创) has revealed that as many as three in five (62%) parents who鈥檇 had a child within the last 12 months say that loneliness has negatively impacted their mental health and wellbeing.1 To mark World Maternal Mental Health Day (7 May 2025), 麻豆原创 therapists share their insights on perinatal loneliness and their tips on how to cope with it as a new mum. 听

A new identity听

Registered counsellor and Helen Hazell-English, who specialises in supporting mums and mums to be, says that even those who are surrounded by supportive people can feel isolated because it is a period of personal transition. And although there鈥檚 lots of commonality, no two women will have the same experience.

鈥淏ecoming a mum is an abrupt gear change,鈥� shares Helen. 鈥淟oneliness is very common for new mothers. They can feel lonely as their identity shifts. Motherhood confuses and challenges us and causes personal growth - making it tricky at times to even know ourselves as we once did.听 Being around others while we feel a bit awkward and unsure in ourselves can feel difficult.鈥�

Accredited therapist Sarah Wheatley of agrees and says that many new mums don鈥檛 feel able to share their feelings with others 鈥� 鈥減ossibly due to shame and because they鈥檙e scared of how others may react,鈥� shares Sarah. 鈥淭hey can also feel 'out of synch' with the important people in their lives. A lot of new mums also report feeling invisible and easily missed due to their identity changing.鈥�

厂丑补尘别听

鈥淎s a species we are social creatures, designed to connect with others 鈥� we feel safer when we are,鈥� shares Sarah. 鈥淔eeling disconnected can make us feel less safe physically and emotionally. It can cause us to doubt our sense of worth.鈥�

New mums experiencing loneliness may also face mental health challenges such as low mood and anxiety. Helen says that depression, anxiety, stress, anger, parental burnout, low confidence and low self esteem, are commonly associated with loneliness in motherhood and frequently seen in her practice. 鈥淪hame thrives in isolation,鈥� says Helen. 鈥淯nhealthy thought patterns and behaviours can continue in a closed feedback loop in our own heads - such as obsessing about nap schedules and feeling like a failure. It can be especially painful if feelings of loneliness evoke another difficult time in our lives - such as social difficulties at school, social anxiety associated with neurodivergence or your own parental neglect.鈥澨�

Isolation and overwhelm 听

Accredited therapist says that a lack of support can also lead to feelings of isolation and overwhelm, which can leave new mums feeling unable to cope. 鈥淲omen who are unsupported can be more prone to burnout,鈥� shares Heidi. 鈥淟oneliness can exacerbate sleep issues amongst women who are already sleep deprived from caring for their baby. Lack of sleep is linked to a host of mental health issues including emotional regulation, decision-making and ability to manage stress.鈥�

Tips to combat loneliness as a new mum:

  • Dial down the pressure to find new best mum friends 鈥� Helen suggests that instead of trying to find a new set of best friends look for 鈥榤um colleagues鈥� instead, as may be a less stressful way to think about it. 鈥淔riendship takes time to develop. It can feel overwhelming getting to know new people while figuring out so much about yourself and motherhood,鈥� shares Helen.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
  • Check your social battery 鈥� If you鈥檙e in the grips of loneliness as a new mum, Helen suggests asking yourself: how much energy do you have for socialising today? 鈥淚f it鈥檚 low, you don鈥檛 have to isolate (unless you want to). Sometimes running an errand or taking baby to a cafe and simply being among others can alleviate loneliness.听 A quick call with a loved-one or putting the radio can help you feel connected to people if you can鈥檛 get out.鈥澨� 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
  • Practice self care - 鈥淒on鈥檛 let your needs fall to the bottom of the list,鈥� asserts Helen. 鈥淣ever underestimate the impact of sleep-deprivation. You need to be abundantly kind and gentle with yourself. Don鈥檛 trust any negative thoughts about yourself.鈥� Helen suggests connecting to the world through music, tv and film, nature, creativity, comedy, interests, and pets. 鈥淲hatever feels good and helps you get out of your head,鈥� she says.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
  • Share how you鈥檙e feeling 鈥� Talking to a trusted loved-one or counsellor can help put things into perspective and get to the root cause of your feelings. 鈥淲arm support starts to dissolve loneliness and any shame,鈥� shares Helen. 鈥淪ometimes talking to someone may make you realise that what you thought was loneliness is actually more about something else for you such as unexpressed grief.鈥澨� 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
  • Seek connection 鈥� Connecting with a wider community of mothers can be really helpful, suggests Helen: 鈥淐rucially it normalises mixed feelings about motherhood to help you remember it鈥檚 challenging and somewhat lonely for everyone.鈥� Helen suggests attending groups/classes in real-life or online, reading motherhood memoirs, reaching out to people via social media and talk to experienced mothers in your family/friends or community about how things were for them. Sarah suggests that if you are shy and find in person mother and baby groups daunting, consider taking someone else with you or look for supportive online groups or forums that might feel less hard to join in.听 听 听 听 听

鈥淚t might sound weird, but try to go to the shops, library, for a walk at roughly the same times and places each week,鈥� adds Sarah. 鈥淵ou are more likely to start bumping into the same people each time (and not just other people with babies). That sense of recognition, however small, can help increase our sense of connection and belonging.鈥澨� 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听

  • Take tips from lockdown 鈥� Sarah suggests having zoom drinks in the evening or even sharing links to things online with friends can help alleviate loneliness. 鈥淔ind ways of connecting that don鈥檛 necessarily need to be in person if it鈥檚 too hard to leave the house,鈥� says Sarah.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
  • Talk about loneliness before baby arrives 鈥� 鈥淚f possible, talk about the likelihood of loneliness with the people who matter to you from before you give birth,鈥� shares Sarah. 鈥淲e can feel so ashamed of feeling lonely (as if it somehow reflects something about our worth) when this is, actually, a result of our changing situation. Addressing the issue directly can help us access the support we need. And the reason I suggest talking about it before the baby is born, is because it can feel harder to do when you are already feeling vulnerable.鈥澨� 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听听
  • Get curious about what feeling lonely evokes in you - 鈥淵ou might notice that your loneliness stirs up shame or self-criticism, or reminds you of difficult past experiences. These stories that we tell ourselves add an extra layer of suffering,鈥� explains Helen. 鈥淎sk yourself compassionately what might help you shift these old stories or help you practice kinder alternative perspectives. You are the expert in you, but some ideas include journaling, creative/embodied/meditative/spiritual practices, thinking of what you would say to your child in the same position, reading an inspiring or self-help book, peer support groups, counselling or taking an online course.鈥澨� 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听听
  • Monitor your social media use 鈥� Helen says that social media use is often mentioned by her clients and has a significant impact on how they feel about themselves and their parenting. 鈥淜eep an eye on how much you scroll social media,鈥� says Helen. 鈥淚t can be a wonderful source of human connection but it can also exacerbate loneliness. Curate social media feeds carefully so that they nourish you - i.e you are viewing content that is supportive/inspiring/fun.鈥澨� 听 听 听 听

To find a trained and registered therapist who can help with perinatal loneliness, please visit 麻豆原创鈥檚 Therapist Directory.

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References

[1] 麻豆原创鈥檚 annual PPS survey measures the opinions and attitudes of the British public towards mental health.听 The survey data was collected using a self-complete, online methodology. 听A nationally representative sample of 5,150 adults (aged 18+) was taken from YouGov鈥檚 online research panel and results were weighted to provide a nationally representative dataset. Fieldwork for the 2025 survey was conducted between the 13th February and 4th March 2025.

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