It changed my life
Therapy Today, December 2025 - January 2026

The first time I sat in a counselling room the silence felt deafening. The tick of the clock felt so loud – as if it filled the room – every second reminding me how long I had been sitting there, feeling exposed. The walls seemed to lean in; the air seemed thick and stale. My throat tightened, my heart beat faster, and the urge to jump out of the chair and run for the door felt almost overwhelming. I’d been in firefights and gun battles where bullets cracked in the air and explosions shook the ground beneath my feet – but nothing before had ever felt as unbearable as that quiet room, staring at a stranger, knowing he expected me to speak.

When I was medically discharged from the army after being injured in Afghanistan it felt as though my whole world collapsed around me. One day I wore a uniform, I had purpose, a brotherhood; the next day it was all gone. I felt stripped of my identity, drifting in a life I didn’t recognise. Without warning, anger, sadness and despair became my constant companions. I turned to alcohol and gambling to numb what I couldn’t face. But sitting in that counselling room was the first time I realised that what I was carrying couldn’t be drowned out or outrun – it had to be faced, and I wouldn’t have to face it alone. 

At first I fought against the process. All I wanted was answers, quick fixes or ways to cope. But what I got was patient silences, thoughtful reflections and difficult questions. Anger surged whenever I was invited to reflect, sadness pulled at me when memories surfaced and despair whispered that nothing could ever change. More than once I walked out after a session convinced I wouldn’t come back, but I did, and each time it was a new turning point 

In those early sessions the work was all about trust – learning that my therapist wasn’t there to judge me or to tell me who I should be. He was there to sit with me however messy it got. It took weeks before I could finally say how I was really feeling, but when I did the relief was almost overwhelming. Rage poured out of me in one session, grief in another – tears that I’d been holding back for years. It felt like finally being seen for the first time in a long time. 

Over time counselling gave me the space I needed. Session by session I began to notice patterns in my thinking and catch the harsh inner voice that told me I was weak or broken. My therapist helped me slow those thoughts down, examine them and challenge them. It was exhausting at times but also empowering. For the first time in my life I began to feel like I had choices and not just reactions. 

Along the way there were breakthroughs I didn’t expect. I learned that my anger wasn’t simply destructive behaviour – it was a signal of my loss. I learned that sadness wasn’t shameful and that despair wasn’t permanent; they were the weight of carrying everything alone. Counselling didn’t erase these emotions but helped to transform my relationship with them. I stopped fighting them and began to listen to what they were telling me. 

The journey wasn’t linear. I stumbled many times, relapsed more than once and doubted myself more frequently than I can count. But each time I came back to that room I was a little stronger, a little clearer and a little more able to carry what had once threatened to break me. The silence I had once hated became a place I could breathe. The ticking clock no longer taunted me but reminded me that healing was happening, minute by minute. 

In time I moved beyond simply surviving. The process of being understood and given space to sit with my emotions gave me new purpose. Counselling hadn’t just helped me rebuild my life – it gave me a new calling. I began training as a counsellor, determined to offer to others what had been offered to me; a place where they can face the unfaceable and know they are not alone.

Today I have the privilege of sitting in the other chair, providing the patient silences that once terrified me, giving the thoughtful reflections back and offering the difficult questions. I listen to the anger, sadness and despair of others knowing that however unbearable these feel right now they can be survived. 

Therapy didn’t just change my life, it gave me back my life – with the chance to help others find theirs.